A couple of weeks ago I came across this article encouraging us all to get outside in the great outdoors, it struck a chord with me as one of the reasons for our leaving London was to enable Matilda to enjoy a childhood more steeped in nature. More green space to play in and to explore was top of our wishlist. We live in village surrounded by beautiful country walks which as the weather improves we'll no doubt benefit even more as exploring after school on our way home will be possible as days grow longer.
I've always found comfort in a walk in the country, taking time to absorb mother nature where the change in seasons is so much more prevalent than the city where we all rush around not taking time to admire our environment. My escape when I was living in London would be to the Cotswolds, an easy drive but a world away from my woes.
Living in the countryside has never been so important to me as in the last few days when I've gone from being both a mother and a daughter to only being a Mother. I lost my Mother last week, she gave up the fight surrendering to death and most certainly finding peace without pain. I'm not entirely certain of my feelings right now, I guess the grieving process will take various forms and creep up on me when I'm least expecting it. I relied on her for a lot and despite the distance that kept us apart she was always the first person I turned to for advice or to share news. Her absence will take some getting used to, not being able to pick up the phone to have a chat or a moan, my heart aches for her presence. She was my Mum, my best friend and my inspiration, she leaves a huge hole in my life, one I'm not sure I'll ever be able to fill. We always need our Mothers no matter how old we are...
Over the coming weeks, months and years she'll remain alive in my head and in my heart through our shared memories. She was a country girl so now when I need to be near her I'll take a stroll along the footpath deep into the fields where her spirit will undoubtedly guide me. I'll hear her voice and see her face at every minute of the day following me on my daily routine. I shall keep grasping onto her memory and keep it alive in my heart so it will never fade.
Sleep tight Mamin. Until we meet again.
I would like to say a huge thank you to all of you for all your messages of support which have been of great comfort to my family and I. Apologies to those friends I'm yet to call back, it's taking a while for me to be able to speak. You know who you are. I'm taking it each day at a time.